Benno's Figures

I think the cat would wipe out that fleet in a stroke without making the slightest Paws for breath.

Cheers

obviously not the way to charge a shield wall LOL

ah! now i see were i was going wrong

Before it gets removed, these subjects on Hats forum...It made me laugh,


LOSE WEIGHT NOW! ASK ME HOW by Huw Williams
and

Twenty Four Hour Psychic Hotline. Your Personal Horoscope Tonight!! - by Huw Williams

and

No#1 hollywood weight loss - by clenbuterol

Husband: What's that smell?
Wife: I can't smell anything.
Husband: Neither can I, get that cooker on.

I've been given two weeks to live!! The wife's gone away for a fortnight.

Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers.
"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave."
I said, "You pack them."

Does anyone have the owner's manual for a wife?
Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

My wife accused me of being self-important.
I nearly fell off my throne.

I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids.

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

Ok, here's my first try:

Horse comes into a bar.
Barman says "Why the long face?"

Grizzly bear goes into a bar................................................................
.......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................
......................................the barman asks´s "why the big pause?"

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The Screwdriver says, "You have a drink named Murray?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

A piece of string goes into a bar. The barman says "Get out! We don't allow your sort in here."
The piece of string goes out, ties himself into a bowline and ruffles up his hair. Then he goes back inside.
"Aren't you that piece of string that was in earlier?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot..."

Q. What´s 120cm´s tall, brown and miouws??
A. A wheeliebin in England

No comment:

A woman with the doctor to the fever measure.
Woman: "Hey doc, this is not my bottom."
Doc: "And this is not the clinical thermometer."